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sometimes i wish i could just get away. I don’t know what i’m doing with my life, or where i’m going. my standards for myself are so high that they sometimes get in the way of what I want. I do dumb things because I want to be free. I want to be independant. Or at least feel that way for a little while. I wish I was perfect. But i’m not, and I can’t seem to live with that reality.

I called him tonight, after weeks of not talking.

Hoping for some hint of joy in his voice.

None.

What so ever.

It’s like he didn’t even care that i missed him

and that hurt.

I don’t know what to do.

Help me get over them both.

Because they are both dragging me so far under

And If i don’t escape soon

I might just drown.

I will find someone who treats me how i deserve to be treated

I can’t keep pretending like i’m happy when i’m not

I just can’t do it anymore

I need to do what’s right for me

Even though I love you

I love you and I always will

But we both need to move on.

I don’t know what it is

I can’t even explain how i’m feeling

I feel so lonely

it’s interesting to see who actually wants to talk to you, don’t say anything to them until they say something to you

sometimes i wonder what my future will actually look like

when i have kids and who i will be with

i wonder if i’m going in the right direction

or if i’m driving way off track

theres no way to know

but it kills me to not know

honestly, why do i feel like i have to talk to him 24/7

i mean he probably doesn’t want to talk to me as much as i talk to him

but i still have to just be annyoying.

gosh i hate myself sometimes

why can’t i just be normal